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Tears of Relief For some years now, I have been training lawyers in the new dispute resolution mode, "collaborative law." At the trainings, lawyers experience the power of working from a new paradigm, experientially and through demonstrations. At the very first training that I conducted, about four years ago, I demonstrated with a collaborative colleague how profoundly different the conversations between lawyers can be when faced with angry or depressed clients, tangled issues, and apparent impasses. Instead of being attached to a particular solution that benefits only our client and jockeying for advantage, we were demonstrating the collaborative orientation of sharing important information about each of our clients that would help us as lawyers to guide the negotiations and manage potential conflicts at the next four-way settlement meeting. The conversation was dramatically different from what the attendees were accustomed to in their practices, including considerable information about the emotional states of our clients and discussion of how to avoid and to manage apparent hot-button issues in the interests of keeping negotiations positive. The demonstration lasted about five minutes. As it progressed I had noticed one of the trainees looking possibly distressed, but I couldn't focus on it at the time. We then asked for comments and feedback. That trainee, a very experienced family law specialist and mediator, raised her hand and said something that stopped me in my tracks. "I could not help myself," she said. "I began crying almost immediately when you began that demonstration because I never dreamed that two lawyers could have a conversation like that, so honest, and so focused on being of help to the clients. It makes it possible for me to imagine continuing in this work. It was such a powerful experience for me that I could do nothing but cry with relief." And indeed, tears had been running down her cheeks throughout the demonstration. I often tell this story when I am explaining to collaborative law "newbies" how profound the changes in work satisfaction can be for lawyers who fully embrace this new mode in all its rich potential. Pauline H. Tesler
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